And once again, I shamefully left you hanging on for the next exciting instalment of C-List Celebrity Workouts.
I’ve become inexcusably slipshod. And this is since getting Clare Balding as a celebrity twitter follower as well. What MUST she think of me?
Ah well, I won’t bore you with the humdrum aspects of my life which have hampered my ability to upload this week’s reviews. It’s not like I’m the only hard-working parent with super-villains to vanquish and fiendish plots to undermine. The city is safe again, at least. And it’s nice those orphans can sleep soundly at night. Of course, it’s a shame that they are orphans now but – meh – you can’t have everything.
This week’s reviewee is 1990’s GMTV fitness instructor – Mr Motivator.
He and Mad Lizzie (from TV-am) are the only two TV fitness instructors I can think of who became celebrities in their own right. And by ‘celebrities’ I mean people of whom an exertaphobe such as myself was vaguely aware.
Mr Motivator - or Derrick Evans as he is known to his friends and the inland Revenue – looks fab. Some might say he overdoes it a bit with his bandana AND glasses AND moustache AND mad clothes. And they’d be right of course. Overdoing it is Mr M’s USP.
The whole DVD is filmed in Jamaica. The workouts are performed against a backdrop of tropical greenery, cliffs and sandy white beaches. I am so OVER fake celebrity houses now. All workout DVDs should like this.
This would also be acceptable.
One of the locations is an ecotourism resort owned by Mr M himself. It’s called H’Evans Scent. Do you see what he did there?
Mr Motivator is joined by a whole bunch of impossibly gorgeous young Jamaican people. And a couple of very fit – but quite mumsy – looking ladies from the UK.
The workout sections consist of: Fun Calypso Workout; Upper Body Conditioning; Bikini Body Workout, Pyramid Workout and Bums Legs and Tums.
There’s a Party Workout at the end. Although, it looks like a pretty rubbish party to be honest. I’d like to hang out with Mr Motivator. He seems like a cool guy. But if his parties consist of jogging on the spot and arm-stretching rather than booze, snacks and impromptu balloon games, I think I’ll probably give it a miss.
Most of the sections are great – I particularly enjoyed the Upper body conditioning workout. But you all know how excited I get when there’s an opportunity to use my dumbbells.
I didn’t like the Pyramid workouts where Mr M dresses as an army sergeant major and orders his coquettishly-dressed squadron to perform a bunch of jumpy-up-and-down exercise. This is partly because I prefer lovely Mr Motivator to bossy Mr Motivator. But mostly because jumping up and down a lot is logistically awkward.
I love Mr Motivator. Normally I complain about people talking too much rubbish in workout DVDs. I could listen to Mr M talking rubbish all day though. He is, to be fair a professional at it.
“They started out with me looking rough but I’ve rebuilt them.”
“Smile! Jesus loves you!” (You know hardly anyone says that on Fitness DVDs.)
MrM: Every lady here say ‘Yes’!
MrM: I love it when women say ‘yes’
This really is the perfect mix of holiday brochure and pantomime.
I originally assumed it was a re-release of one of Mr Motivator’s original videos from the 90s. However further research (Wikipedia) has revealed this is a new recording made in 2007.
In which case the production values are truly terrible. All the time I was excusing the shoddy quality because I thought it had been copied straight from VHS to DVD and that they’d tried to make up for how shit it was by introducing a “select your own workout” feature (that doesn’t really work).
If this was recorded in the current century on a camera designed for the purpose then the fact that this woman’s face looks like it’s been blurred out for security purposes for the Upper Body conditioning workout is a little bit disappointing.
Between workouts there are baffling “comedy” segments with The Mad Professor and his assistant. The credits reveal that both the characters share Mr Motivator’s surname (not Motivator , the other one) which, at least explains what they are doing on the DVD.
Mostly OK. Apart from the Pyramid Jumping which I didn’t attempt. And the dancing. I REALLY can’t dance.
Would I do this DVD again?
Well no. I’m not going to do any of these workouts again probably. I should get rid of this section. Maybe replace it with “Would I recommend this to a friend?” or “Would I sooner do this again than wank off a pig?”