Chantelle Houghton appeared on Celebrity Big Brother in 2006 pretending to be a celebrity when she actually wasn’t. She managed to fool the other celebrities who presumably (a) hadn’t heard of many the other ‘celebs’ either and (b) didn’t give much of a fuck in any case.
Following a task where they had to rank each other in terms of famousness – Chantelle romped in 9th out-famousing both Preston and Maggot.
Maggot can still presumably get on a bus without fear of being mobbed. And poor Preston is now best known for his brief marriage to Chantelle. It’s true what they say about fame. She’s a fickle wossname and no mistake.
Chantelle went on to win Celebrity Big Brother despite not actually being one. This allowed her to embark on exciting new projects like glamour modelling and supporting the animal charity PETA.
As a vegetarian, I feel I should approve of this advert but I just can't bring myself to do so.
This, however, I heartily endorse. Animals should be removed from circuses. And replaced with washed-up Reality TV stars.
In 2010, now a legitimate celebrity – because that’s how these things work apparently – Chantelle entered the Big Brother house again for Ultimate Big Brother.
Riding high on the crest of public recognition once again, she released this workout video.
The DVD front cover shows how Chantelle shed the flab via the age old method of holding her belly in and cracking a smile.
Not to mention changing into a pink push-up bra and matching knickers and dying her hair blonde. Weirdly none of these techniques are demonstrated on the DVD although there was a voucher for La Senza which expired in June 2011. If only I hadn’t been nineteen months too late, I could have done the workout in a La Senza bra and immersed myself in the full Chantelle experience.
The full Chantelle Experience
Chantelle is aided in her workout by Ben Poole from the No.1 Boot Camp. (That’s their name by the way, I haven’t carried out an independent study of Boot Camps and ranked them accordingly.) No.1 Boot Camp carry out residential fitness courses which Chantelle completed before releasing the DVD. She describes the Workout as “Boot Camp, but without the mud!”
Boot Camp with the mud.
In her introduction Chantelle says “Honestly, I’m just a normal girl who has to exercise and eat healthily to stay in shape.” Which is reassuring for anyone who thought she might be a cyborg.
She tells that the motivation for deciding to get into shape was that someone asked her if she was pregnant “when obviously I wasn’t”. Since she really doesn’t look as though she’s carrying any extra weight, I think it may have been something other than her belly size that triggered the question . Maybe she was eating gherkins and ice cream at 3 o’clock in the morning while flicking through a Baby Bjorn catalogue.
Chantelle with her daughter and a genuine celebrity.
She wasn't pregnant with this baby at the time of the workout. That all happened later.
Trainer Ben’s hardly a one-man charisma party but he gets the job done. This workout is relentlessly dull and repetitive which may well be the definition of a boot camp workout. The warm-up is literally ten minutes of jogging on the spot.
Chantelle’s input is minimal and in a slight variation on the norm, our celebrity is the go-to person for the easier workout version while Ben demonstrates the harder versions. At the beginning of the Upper Body workout Chantelle tells us that is will get rid of our bingo wings. She then says it again at the end. She has clearly been instructed not to speak at all apart from her carefully scripted sentence at either end of the workout.
The workouts are dull. The trainer is dull. Chantelle is dull. I honestly think I may be the only person in the world who has watched this DVD from beginning to end. I bet even Chantelle’s mum hasn’t bothered. I can’t think of a single reason to subject myself to it again.
We’re back to plinky-plonky music which in this case reminded me of playing the PS One game “Mary Kate and Ashley’s Magical Mystery Mall”.
Pixellated Olsen Twins showing more natural screen presence than Chantelle
There wasn’t one. Even buying the DVD was an exercise in disappointment. I shelled out £3 in HMV for this workout. Three whole pounds! You can almost buy a cup of coffee for that. I then discovered that Poundland practically had a whole shelf of the damn things,
Supporting both HMV and Chantelle’s media career at one stroke could be considered an act of benevolence, of course, but I’m not sure either one is worth saving.