Sunday, 13 January 2013

Pussycat Dolls Workout

The first indication that there’s something amiss with the Pussycat Dolls workout is the sticker on the front of the DVD which says “Featuring Nicola Scherzinger”. A cursory amount of research reveals that Nicola Scherzinger is the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls. Why is she merely ‘featuring’ on her own DVD?
It’s because – and this may shock you, gentle reader, the Pussycat Dolls workout doesn’t have the actual Pussycat Dolls in it!

Actual Pussycat Dolls
 Not Actual Pussycat Dolls
The Workout is fronted by Robin Antin, creator of the Pussycat Dolls who is joined by Jersey, Jenny and Jamie from the Pussycat Lounge Review and ‘special guest star’ Christina from Girlicious which is, apparently a real band.
It turns out that the Pussycat Dolls are not merely a pop group. They are also a burlesque review, a nightclub and quite possibly a range of pro-biotic yogurts. All created by the scarily toned & sculpted Robin Antin. I imagine this took place in a lab somewhere in much the same way Professor Utonium created the Powerpuff girls.

In fact to hear Antin talk about her ‘journey’ in the DVD extras, it appears she invented the whole concept of attractive women moving around in time to music altogether. This elicited much delight and amazement amongst her celebrity friends. You know cool famous people? So does Antin. ALL the cool famous people.

From top left: Johnny Depp, Scarlet Johansson, Gwen Stefani, Christina Aguilera, Christina Applegate, Fergie, Carmen Electra and  Charlize Theron. All BFFs of Robin and namedropped in the DVD extras.
These people are literally always going for pub lunches together and borrowing one another’s lawnmowers.

Nicole Scherzinger does put in an appearance, as promised, in the Buttons performance segment. The DVD is divided into Warm Up, Don’t Cha Breakdown, Don’t Cha Dance, Burlesque Breakdown, Burlesque Dance Workout Buttons Breakdown, Buttons Dance Workout and Cool Down
I'm worried about Nicole's outfit here.
It looks like she's got the gusset from her tights caught on her bra.

In the Breakdown sessions we’re taught a series of dance moves which we then all perform together. Antin asks invites us all to unleash our Inner Pussycat Doll as we perform their “Sassy but Classy” signature moves. “That was amazing everyone! I am so proud of you” Antin exclaims at the end of one of the workouts. It’s almost like she couldn’t see my terrible dancing through the TV screen at all.
Difficulty Level
Well, I still can’t dance. But as far as a strenuous workouts go, this one isn’t. And my threshold for “strenuous” is very low indeed.

Stepping back and forwards, flicking your hair and slapping your arse from time to time doesn’t burn many calories or use muscles you wouldn’t otherwise be using in your daily routine (especially if your daily routine involves a lot of arse slapping.) This pace gets picked up a bit in some of the numbers with some high kicks and some jumping up and down but you might as well just try energetically doing the hovering while wiggling your bum a lot and it would probably have much the same effect.
The girls rock the “Dressing As Characters From The Board Game Cluedo” look.
I like that Robin sees herself as Mrs White.

Weirdest Bit
Antin really does have favourites amongst her girls. For most of the workouts Christina is her golden girl and gets called upon to show the rest of the class how good her stretches, bends and arse aerobics are. “Have you got this? I know Christina’s got this!” yells Antin. As soon as Nicole Scherzinger shows up, though, poor Christina is relegated to the back and Antin’s focuses exclusively on her new Head Cheerleader. It must cause a lot of tension. I’ve changed my mind about wanting to go on a picnic with Antin and her celebrity friends now. I’m not sure I could handle the stress of watching Johnny Depp being played off against Christina Aguilera.

Would I do this workout again?
No. I’m not sure who it’s for really. Although anyone with an appreciation of a well-formed female bottom will find something of interest here.

There's a lot of this sort of thing
Overall, I think the ideal audience is 13 year old girls at sleepovers. They can fit the dance routines in between making friendship bracelets and eating Pringles.

When I grow up, I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars, I wanna have boobies

I just hope they won’t be too disappointed that the actual band isn’t in it. Still, who knows, if they manage to release enough of their Inner Pussycat Doll, they could end up starring in the next one.

1 comment:

  1. This was fun to read. I too have tried this dvd recently and have to say my favourite part was the bit with the feather bowers, "you can use anything lying around the house that makes you feel sexy - a man's tie"