Sunday, 1 December 2013

A Fame Dance Workout

I was particularly excited about reviewing ‘A Fame Workout’ for you guys because in a departure from CLCW’s usual practise of procuring its workouts from bargain bins, charity shops and roadside hedges, I am in possession of a preview copy of this DVD due to be released on 9thDecember. CLCW is going up in the world.

Or so I thought. To be fair, if I had a more inquiring nature, I may have wondered why a ‘Fame’ themed workout was hitting the shops now when it’s been over 4 years since even the shitty remake was released.
Shitty remake.

Turns out that the DVD has been released before in 2009 which is a little disappointing although it does take the pressure off me having to avoid spoilers.

The 2013 edition comes with a companion book though which sets it apart from its predecessor. It’s incomprehensibly called “Little Book of Fame Dance Workout” because fuck the rules of sense and grammar.



The workout is fronted by one “K Knight”. That’s clearly all the name he needs as the dancers refer to him only as ‘K’. Any brief theories  I may have had that K here was modelling himself on Will Smith in Men In Black were squashed when I checked and found out Will was J. K is the other one. This dude is apparently modelling himself on Tommy Lee Jones.


Quite Right too.

K is joined by six dancers: Michelle, Tisha, Janine, Lauren, Rie and Nellie and a whole host of other lovely ladies who watch from the sidelines. Wait, why is K the only guy there? I know Fame, I watched the 80s series and if I remember rightly, there was more than one guy in it. It wasn’t just about Leroy Johnson running a harem.


Although I would have watched that, too.

I discovered from watching the “Making of” featurette on the DVD (and seriously, who else apart from me and possible some of the performer’s family, are ever watch those?) that the director is Steve Kemsley. It turns out that Kemsley has directed millions of celeb workouts. Geri Halliwell, Ann Diamond, Jade Goody, Beverley Callard, Nell McAndrew, you bloody name it.


Steve is, apparently 'wacky'.

The Fame Workout  doesn’t seem to warrant a mention on his IMDB page which is odd because he admits involvement in Nadia’s Latino Dance Workout which may be the shoddiest piece of shit ever cobbled together and flogged to people as fitness instruction.

If it weren’t for Steve, we’d probably all be twiddling out thumbs here at CLCW Towers. I’m not sure how I’d occupy my time. I ought to send him a muffin basket or something to say thank you.
C-List Celebrity Workouts: Past Present and Future.

The DVD cover is at pains to point out that this DVD is an unofficial product “inspired but not endorsed by either movie”.
It doesn’t matter, really. I don’t feel the same sense of disappointment as when I found that CD:UK or Pussycat Dolls workouts were only tangentially linked to their titles.

Frankly, if I’m watching a Fame Fitness DVD there’s only one question that I need answering...

Does it have the Irene Cara ‘Fame’ song in it?

And if the answer is “Of course it does! What kind of cretins you take us for?” then I’m happy. Thankfully, in this crucial regard, the Fame Dance Workout delivers

Fame!



I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna learn how to fly

High!

I feel it coming together
People will see me and cry


Fame! 
Best Bit
The best thing about watching the workout, is keeping your eyes on the performing arts “students” lolling around on the benches. 



They’re clearly under instructions to look as though they are having the most fun ever. Watching the dancers doing the workouts, whooping, nodding along, occasionally pretending to chat to one another. They have a much harder job than the main dancers, to be honest but they make an excellent job of it. Especially the girl in the orange cardigan and green socks. She’s displaying in some expert sprawling skills, right there.



It seems a little unfair that the dancers don’t get shuffled around at all. After doing the warm-up, I expected to see some different dancers showing us the moves for the dance sections. But no, it’s the same six dancers (and K) every time. I bet they were all hoping that someone would twist an ankle or something.

Still, you needn’t fret too much. Sure, they’ve probably all got pins and needles from artfully lounging about the set for an hour and a half but then near the end of the “Fame Freestyle” segment something amazing happens. K invites them to come join him and his A-Listers on the dancefloor. 



It’s beautiful, man. Seeing those all those wannabes twisting and twirling their little hearts out in a desperate attempt to catch the eye of the cameraman by any means possible.


You go, orange cardigan girl. I believe in you.

Difficulty Level
This was incredibly difficult not least because nothing was explained properly. Although that’s obviously why you get the book now. If I’d done my research properly beforehand I probably would have been OK.



Would I do this workout again?
You know, I’m not going to live forever; I’m unlikely to ever learn how to fly (High!). Some people are meant to catch the moon in the hands and light up the sky like a flame (Fame!), and some are just supposed to loll around on benches pretending to be vaguely interested in stuff.

I consider myself very much part of the second group. I can’t see myself ever revisiting this workout.



Obviously I recommend each and every one of you rush out and buy it of course. It’s the perfect Christmas present – being as it is very easy to wrap.

Of course, if any of you were planning to purchase this for your very own, I do now have a copy going spare. Barely used at all. I’ve watched the DVD and thumbed through the book but it’s not I’ve drawn moustaches on any of the dancers or anything. Tell you what; send an email to clistcelebrityworkouts@gmail.com with your address in it and the first one I receive will be sent a copy of this DVD and book set*. Don’t say I never do anything for you.
You know you want it.


* UK only, I’m afraid. I’m not made of money.

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