Sunday, 18 March 2012

Nadia – Latino Dance Workout

Wikipedia informs us that Nadia Almada was the first transsexual winner of Big Brother. I’m not sure how many transsexuals have won the show since 2004 (I stopped watching after Series 4) but it’s nice to know that Nadia got there first.

Originally born in Madeira, Nadia lived in my home town when she first came to England. I remember a lot of excitable coverage in the local paper during her time in the Big Brother house. (“Woman who used to live here may win Reality TV show” constitutes big news in Woking.)

She now lives in Brussels and works for a banking firm. Having watched this DVD and her pop video, I think she made the right decision to step away from the entertainment business.

Nadia fails to take the pop business by storm

The safety instructions at the beginning of the DVD tell us that it is advisable that you wear flat and appropriate footwear when doing this workout. Nadia throws caution to the wind and does the whole things in 4 inch heels. More worryingly, she’s not wearing a bra. This seems to be especially foolhardy on her part as she must have gone to some effort to get those breasts. It’s not like they just turned up uninvited like mine did.

Or, you know, don't bother.

Nadia doesn’t speak at all throughout any of the workouts. It’s led by choreographer and dancer Steven Grace who swivels around like 1970s pop sensation shouting “And hip. And hip. And hip. And hip.” and other encouraging things.

The only time Nadia speaks is in the introduction and even then I only understood one in every three words she said. At one point she seems to say: “Exercise is always fun that’s why I’ve struggled to keep off the weight” so I don’t think I got that right.

Nadia speaks. The Boys look enthusiastic.

The workout consists of a Rhythm and Spank Warm Up, a Low Impact Latin Section, a Salsa Shakedown and a Rumba Cool Down. Please be aware that the Rhythm and Spank section contains no actual spanking.

The whole thing is set in a bar which makes a change from faux-celebrity houses. Disappointingly, the bar tables and chairs are empty. I think the DVD would have been improved by having a bunch of random people sitting in the background sipping mojitos.

Best Bit
Nadia’s outfits. I don’t suppose any other workouts I review here are going to include the celebrity in question wearing the miniest of mini-dresses and killer heels. She has a different look for each of the sections. The warm-ups see her with sleeked back hair and green dress festooned with gift-wrapping ribbon. For the main workouts she’s wearing red and her hair’s sporting more of an up-do. My favourite outfit is the cool down one. She looks like a Bratz doll.

Worst Bit
The whole thing’s pretty terrible really. It looks like it’s been made for about a fiver and Nadia is obviously putting in the least amount of effort she can get away with and still expect to be paid at the end of the day. I think she might have a hangover. The DVD contains a “Behind the Scenes” segment which is ideal for anyone wanting to see a production crew all wearing expressions that clearly say “Ah well. It’s work”.

Weirdest Bit
The two male dancers get no recognition whatsoever. The IMDB page for Nadia’s DVD only credits Nadia in the cast list. I can see why Steven Grace would have wanted to remove all traces of this DVD from his CV. His IMDB entry shows not only the “Strictly Ballroom” and “Moulin Rouge” credits mentioned on Nadia’s DVD box, but also an ongoing involvement with the US show, “Dancing with the Stars.”
The credits tell us that the dancers are called Gunther and CJ. They have significantly more right to be on a dance DVD than Nadia does but that’s all we’ll ever know about them.

They’re dressed identically except that CJ wears a leather cuff on his right wrist and Gunther wears one on his left. Does this signify anything? I feel that it should signify something.

Difficulty Level
I couldn’t do this at all. You know the film “The Tall Guy” where Dexter King goes to the audition for “Elephant!” and fails to dance in time with the other actors? That was me trying to do this. I was vaguely moving my legs around but not necessarily at the right time or in the right directions. I have no natural sense of rhythm of course. I hate even being at an event where you have to clap along as it takes all my concentration to keep time with everyone else.

Would I do this workout again?
No. I didn’t even do it the first time. After bemusedly failing to follow Steve’s instructions for fifteen minutes or so, I gave up and made a cup of tea. Later, I did Michelle and Dax’s workout again. Life seemed so much simpler then.

1 comment:

  1. Love this review. I have no idea who Nadia is, but sounds funny :)